Well, here goes: I'm going to be brutally honest. You may want to exit out of this posting at this point if you're wanting to see a post about some great new idea I've come up with or some cute picture of my children doing something adorable. It's time to tell you all what is happening in my life and ask those of you that are willing to PRAY!
I chose this picture because this is how I feel right now! I feel like I'm being swallowed up by life. I have a little left before I'm completely sucked under by the vastness of responsibilities, pressures, and annoyances. I know that my Heavenly Father loves me and cares completely about my struggles. My prayers lately have been to beg Him for the wisdom that I need to deal with the things that bombard me. Faith in our Sovereign Lord is the only hope that we can trust in during any circumstance. Life is full of many joys and blessings, but there is also the reality that many of those joys and blessings are rushing past without being savored and appreciated fully.
My physical struggles at this point have become daunting. It has been 6 weeks since I abruptly stopped eating gluten (wheat, barley, and rye and products containing those ingredients). That was not the end of my physical struggles however. Now, the symptoms of IBS that literally yanked the rug out from under me 10 years ago are once again rearing their ugly waves of pain over my body. The fatigue (of either my physical state, or my emotional state or both) is making every day difficult. People around me have little understanding of these situations so many comments are useless at best, destructive and hurtful at worst. "Could this all be in your head?" "Wow, I wish I could afford to be as picky of an eater as you are!" Huh????
So, with that said -- yes, I am very short tempered with my children. Yes, I'm irritated with the simple inconveniences of life. I want to just crawl into a warm bed and sleep for days (without being interrupted by fighting and complaining children). So, lest someone gets the urge to email me and give instructions on praying more and reading my Bible more I'll go ahead and make mention that my relationship with the Lord is not in question on this one. I feel very close to my Creator and know that for some reason He still treasures this "bag of bones" that is me. The food that I get spiritually when I read is very nourishing and helps me get through by its encouragement.
***This is what I had written March 3 and had not posted***
New post....March 23: My outlook is looking a little brighter, my emotional state is a little more stable, and the Lord has graciously helped me deal with my ugliness to my kiddos! Please continue to pray that we will find some answers and then for healing. I know, it seems strange to be waiting for prayer for the healing until after some answers are found. My thinking is that it would be such a relief to know what it is that is going wrong with my body before I get the healing. To just pray all of this away would not give me an understanding of what I can learn from this and how it may be able to help others going through similar symptoms. I don't know if any of this makes sense, but if I wake up tomorrow and everything were miraculously 'perfect' physically, I would not know how or what it is that triggered these issues and how long it would be before it just 'popped' back in to my life again. Ten years has been long enough....I'm praying that the Lord would see fit to give some answers and THEN work mightily to help my body heal and/or deal with the issues at hand.
3 comments:
i definitely understand this, especially lately. praying for you.
Oh my dear friend...you have been on my heart and mine so much lately..
It's ok to be honest and transparent..it sounds as if you and I are experiencing the same thing from those "others" with the well meaning comments that truly are like ice picks to our souls. IBS, cancer, grief or just life, seems to bring out the comments in some that basically say, "Here's my advice, but I don't have the time, energy or love to stick with you through it.."
I am thankful you are close to the Lord. He is your sustainer, refuge and comfort Kristine.
Remember Paul's words, who was no stranger to suffering, "My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is perfected in weakness."
Grace for each moment of today is what I will be asking for you my dear friend.
I love you..
Bonnie
Dear Kristine!! Of course I am praying. I am sorry about the comments you have gotten! Yesterday I was thinking that people are often experts at something (such as grief) long before they have any real experience in the matter. :( I really hope that I have not added to this burden. I am sorry for the physical stuff going on for you too. I don't know much about IBS etc. (at all!) but I do know that the stuff is real and it affects every part of us. It also bothers me GREATLY that the first response people give to someone in difficult situations is "read more" or "pray more" or something of that nature. Not that reading or praying (etc.) is bad, mind you; but "more" of it is not a guarantee that the difficulties will go away. Despite what the "experts" may say. But it sounds like you have found your focus on the LORD, and that is a great thing. He will carry you through. I pray that answers will come, and quickly; answers that you can manage without too much extra work!
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